The Day After Forever

December, 2002

Irina Derevko sat on the hard cold gray concrete floor of her prison cell meditating. With her eyes closed and her mind open, she listened but heard nothing. Nothing except for the soft, distant sound of the rain she could not see pounding on the roof outside. Soon, the silence was broken. Broken by the shrill sound of a buzzer letting her know that someone was approaching.

The buzzer sounded twice, once when the door was opened, then again when it was closed. She could hear the faint sounds of shoes hitting the ground. The sounds gradually became louder, which meant that the men making the sounds would soon be upon her. Suddenly, the sounds stopped. She could hear the men whispering. She strained her ears, trying to pick out anything distinct they were saying, but couldn't.

After a minute, the footsteps picked up again, but this time it was only one pair coming toward her. She recognized the sound. She knew whom the footsteps belonged to, knew how he held himself. Her heart jumped in anticipation. Not wanting to expect so much too soon, she remained seated, eyes still closed, focusing her energy on listening to the sounds echoing in the hall.

Then she heard it: "ehh-Katchoo!" Her ears pricked up. She would have known that sneeze anywhere.

She smiled to herself and whispered "Jack." The sound had reaffirmed her first thought and hope of who was coming to see her. But didn't move from her position on the ground.

She opened her eyes and watched Jack walk slowly and solemnly across the floor, head down, to the first set of bars of her Lecteresque prison that separated Irina from the rest of the world. The guard stepped up from behind and unlocked them while Jack kept his head down. She used this time to study his features, parts of him she had missed seeing. She noticed the way he held himself was different today. His shoulders seemed a little slump and he walked more slowly than usual, his footsteps heavy.

The guard opened the second and last set of bars so that only a wall of bulletproof glass separated her and the rest of the room. The guard turned and stood in one of the far corners. Jack nodded "I can handle this, give me a minute alone, please." His voice was hoarse.

The guard turned and left to resume his post outside the door. It was only then that Irina got up off the floor and came over to the glass. "Jack." She gently called to him. Jack was still facing the corner, his back toward her. "It's raining outside, isn't it?" She stated the obvious in an attempt to start a conversation. She watched as the water that had been on his trench coat drip off the end and splash on the ground.

"Jack, you sound sick. Are you all right?"

"If fine." He covered his nose. "Ahh- Chishoo!" And rubbed his eyes,"Nothing I can't handle." He carefully and ever so slightly shook his head in an attempt to clear it. "I just picked up something that's going around the office."

She watched as he pulled a handkerchief out of his trench coat then turn to blow his nose. When his coat flap was open she noticed that he was wearing her favorite tie: the old navy blue one with the small lighter blue polka dots. She let herself have a little smile at the sight of it. He kept it, she thought. After all these years. God, I didn't even think he would still have that thing around.

"You look cold. What are you doing here?" She asked, keeping her voice soft, not wanting to scare him away.

"Six months in solitary will do that to you." He snapped then coughed harshly into his gloved fist.

"Jack, I...that's not what I meant." She chewed her lower lip until he was done; choosing her next words to him carefully. She looked in to his eyes. The spark of love that had once been there was gone; extinguished by her, by Laura's death and Irina's betrayal. His eyes were now void and empty, relentless in showing any emotion. Finally, she broke his glance, too painful to look at him anymore.

"So, what are you doing for Christmas?" She asked, trying to be as casual as she could under the circumstances.

As if reading her mind Jack replied: "Sydney's gone skiing with her friends."

He's alone, she thought. That's why he came to see me. He has no one else. "Oh, well, make sure that you tell her I love her." Came out automatically. Jack nodded as he gritted his teeth. He's not going to tell her.

"Sydney says merry Christmas." He took off his gloves and put them in his pants pocket. He then opened up his greatcoat again and pulled a package out from the inside pocket. "Kendall said I could give this to you since you've been cooperating."

He walked over to the glass and opened the door that was used to give her food. He held the package out to her, waiting for her to take it from him. She walked over, reluctant at first, but eventually took it from him. For a brief second while the transaction was happening their hands brushed. Jack pulled away as soon as she took the package from him.

"Jack, why did you come here?" Irina looked down at the package that had been wrapped in brown paper and tied with a string.

"Remember, if you start causing trouble or not cooperating, they'll take that away from you." Jack said as he rubbed his hands together trying to get warm. "Excuse me." He suddenly turned to the side so that she could only see his profile. "Ehh-Choo! Ahh-Chishoo!"

God, that sound is so familiar. And it hasn't changed. She smiled as she looked down at the present again."Bless you, honey," She whispered to herself, not daring to say it loud enough for Jack to hear.

"You should go home, the cold and damp isn't good for you." She looked at him when he was done.

"I'm fine, really." Stern. Factual. No emotion.

Right. Irina thought back and longed for the days when she could take care of him and make him feel better. When she could make the pain go away. The days before she added her own pain to his collection. The most permanent kind of pain to which there was no cure.

Their silence was broken by the sound of the guard opening the door. "Agent Bristow, five more minutes." Jack looked back and nodded as the door slammed shut.

There were so many things that Irina wanted to know about what was going on in the outside world and with their daughter. And while most of the things she was curious about were probably taboo for Jack to tell her about; and Jack wasn't saying much of anything for that matter.

"Well, are you going to open your present?" Jack shoved his hands in his pockets, his voice breaking her from her thoughts.

"Later." Right now all she wanted to do was to stare at him and memorize his face again. He looked sick and worn, like he hadn't been sleeping well. She sighed. She didn't know the next time she would see him again and she wanted a clear and recent picture of him to keep in her mind. "Jack, you have every right in the world to hate me. But, for once, can't we just talk?"

Surprisingly, Jack walked up to the glass and stared inside. Stared at Irina's bed and the sparse possessions they let her have. He put his right hand up to the glass then hung his head low; looking down at the ground.

Irina, not knowing what to do watched him closely trying to figure out what he was thinking and what he was going to do next.

Suddenly, he lifted his head, eyes shut, shoulders hunched, took in a shaky breath and, "Ehh-Katchoo! Chushoo!" He tried to steady himself against the glass with his right hand while his left was cupped over his nose.

"Jack, go home. You're getting worse." Irina said walking over to him.

But Jack wasn't listening because his nose wasn't done yet. "Ehh- chooo! EhhChuhhh! IhhShuhhh! EhhhSheshhhh! Ihhsshhh! Ehhh, Hetschoo" Over and over again. Finally, he took his hand off of the glass and just stood, both hands over his nose, helpless and subjective to the sneezing.

"Jack!" Irina yelped, worried that there was something wrong. In all the years she had know him, she had never seen him sneeze so much. "Jack!" She lightly pounded on the barrier, not wanting to alert the guards. She couldn't do anything for him though, the glass keeping her from him.

Finally, when the sneezing subsided, Jack blew his nose and pressed his hand against the glass again, trying to catch his breath. Irina put her hand up against his so that only a layer of glass separated them. So close that Irina thought she could feel the heat radiating from his hand. She sighed and looked at him, back into his eyes that were now red and misty with tears. Tears that she halfheartedly wished were for her, for them, and not from his cold.

When Jack had collected himself he didn't remove his hand right away; instead he to looked into her eyes. There they stood, for what seemed like an eternity until Jack removed his hand and coughed.

"Well, I guess I should be going." He said as he put his leather gloves back on. He gave her a half-smile, so quick that she would have missed it if she hadn't been studying his every move.

"Merry Christmas, Jack." She called.

Jack turned and started towards the door, leaving Irina lost in thought, her palm still pressed up against the glass. He finally approached the door, knocking on it to signal to the guard that he was finished. Before the door was opened, Irina saw Jack's shoulders hunch one more time letting out another harsh and familiar sneeze. She noticed that the guard blessed Jack and Jack nodded thanks as he turned to walk down the hall.

Even though Jack was gone, Irina still stood silent and still, her heart hoping he was coming back. "Don't go..." she whispered as she heard the buzzer sound again signaling Jack's departure. He was gone.

With a heavy sigh sat down on her cot, the package resting in her lap. She ran her hand over the paper, memories associated with the texture flooding her mind. She carefully untied the string, setting it gently beside her. Then unwrapped the paper. She gasped at what she uncovered. There in her hands was a first edition Wizard of Oz. She stared at the cover before working up the courage to open the cover, hoping that the inscription was still there.

'Laura, All my love forever and a day. Jack.'

Tears sprang to her eyes but didn't flow, the cameras were watching. Her fingers traced over what he had written to her almost thirty years ago. She quickly wiped the tears away as a thought crossed her mind. She gently turned the pages to the place where she had gotten the Cyrillic codes from the KGB. However, the pages were gone, torn out. She figured they would be either by Jack or the CIA. She swallowed and turned back to the front, reading the inscription over and over again until her eyes became so blurry with tears that she had to close the book.

She gingerly set the book and wrapping down and laid back, staring at the ceiling, listening to the rain pouring outside once again. Poor, sick Jack. She thought back, remembering him, remembering how, at one point, just a few minutes ago, they were so close she would have sworn she could feel him.

Then thought back even farther, when he was sick and she would lay down with him and cuddle under the blankets trying to stay warm, make him feel better. When she would smooth his hair back and whisper words of love into his ear.

When treating him like that had been a necessity to her mission, to make him believe that she loved him. After a while, treating him like a husband had become second nature to her, because she had come to really love him. But it happened all too late. Those days were gone. He was all alone. She was all alone.

She closed her eyes and let her mind wander back to those words again: 'All my love forever and a day.'