Round 1 Story Title: From Beyond
Author: Niki
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG
Spoilers: This story is not canon, however it does give away some of the plot lines of the series.
Summary: Zia grieves after Severus’ death. But, he didn’t leave her totally alone.
Author Notes: Written for the 2009 Sneezefic challenge.
Bunny: #48

Zia gazed at herself in the full length mirror. Green had always been his favorite color, so she thought it appropriate for today. She noticed how sharply the dark green contrasted with her paler than usual complexion. She sighed to herself. 'Remus should be here soon,' she thought as she went into the living area to wait.

No sooner had she settled in on the couch and looked around the modest flat than the doorbell rang. She shook her head and wondered, not for the first time, why he always insisted on ringing the doorbell. It wasn't like she wasn't expecting him. And, even if that weren't the case, it wasn't as if he wasn't welcome.

She picked up her purse and keys and met Remus outside. Normally, she would have invited him in for a cup of tea and they would have chatted about anything and everything. But, this wasn't a normal day, and they had a schedule.

"You look dashing," she told him, her voice stronger than she felt. Tonks had obviously helped him pick out the suit: not only was it fitted, but the hues of green and purples which twisted themselves within the black were stunning.

"Thank you," he said as he took her arm and they apparated to the gravesite.

She looked at the group of people already gathered and swallowed against the anticipation of talking to and being greeted by all of them. Most of them were from the Order, some were former death eaters, a few were students. All were dressed in some form of black.

"Green is very fitting, you know," Remus whispered.

"It was his favorite," she replied, willing herself to keep her composure.

Remus nodded. Were he in her position he would be a basket case right now. He didn't understand how she wasn't. Even the night before, when they had buried him, she was calm and collected as silent tears slid down her face. She was courteous to all who spoke with her, and even laughed at jokes that were made.

But, this was different. Here she would have to tell a eulogy, speak to his friends, co-workers, and students. She would have to hear story after story, and she would be expected to share the story of how he died.

The first people her eyes focused on were Dumbledore and Minerva. She sighed as she looked at the aging wizard in his wheelchair. It was something she never could grow used to, and something that Severus never did fully forgive himself for. The memory of her consoling him long into the night flashed through his mind. He knew the only way to save Dumbledore was to harm him, but he never intended for the damage to be permanent. Dumbledore may have forgiven him, but he just couldn't forgive himself.

"Zia," Dumbledore said, taking her hands in his, "how are you my child?"

"I've had better days," she answered. "But, you two are looking well."

"As well as can be expected," he replied. "Severus was so important to all of us. The world is a less safe place without him."

Unable to speak without crying, all Zia could do was nod. Clearing her throat she turned to Minerva. "And you, Minerva, how are you?"

"As well as can be expected. I have some things to discuss with you, when you're ready."

Zia knew that Severus had many benefits from all of his years working at Hogwarts. But, seeing as they never got married, she wasn't sure how their relationship was seen by those who would make the decisions on what would happen to them. "We can discuss," she stated, pulling Minerva away.

"No, not now, my child. This isn't the time," Minerva said, aghast that Zia could think of such things, at a funeral.

"No time like the present. I know what my mental state is now. I can't be certain of what it will be like in the near future."

Minerva walked away from the group with her. "As you know," Minerva started, "Severus had hazard pay and several other securities coming from Hogwarts. Because of his untimely demise, I have the right – as Head Master – to pay them out and transfer them over to his next of kin. As he has no family, other than you, I will need your information so I can make sure you get your due."

Zia smiled. Severus had always told her that she would be taken care of, even after his death. Now, she understood why.

"In addition to that, there is now an opening for a DADA teacher. Now, I know you're more of a healer than anything else, but I know your past experiences qualify you for the position. You are my first choice for it as well. So, if you would like it, it is yours."

Zia took a deep breath. She had been concerned about getting a job. She knew she couldn't just stay home for the rest of her life. And, since most of her job had been taking care of members of the Order, and most especially Severus throughout the last two wars, she wasn't sure how she would make a living. But, taking over his job? She wasn't sure if she was ready for that.

"You don't have to answer me today. Just know that the position is yours should you want it. Albus will be teaching the class until you are ready to start, or at least ready to answer."

Zia smiled as broadly as she could without it being fake. "I appreciate that Minerva. Thank you."

Minerva gave her arm a squeeze. "You'll do fine dear. You are still welcome with us." Her lips set in a fine line and the corners twitched up in a sympathetic smile. None of them had ever thought that Severus would find love. But, they were wrong.

Zia proved to be the just balance that Severus needed. Her healing abilities helped keep him alive far longer than any of them would have guessed possible. Her infinite patience and unconditional love gave him the security he needed to let his guard down, even if it was only to her.

She remembered the last dinner party that they had held. Minerva smiled as she remembered the sarcastic banter that ran fast and furious between the two of them, and the kiss they gave each other at the end. She remembered the love that glistened in their eyes as they looked at each other, and suppressed a tear as the reality of Severus' absence started to sink in.

"One more thing," Minerva added, as Zia started back to the group. She took a book out of her hand basket. "Albus wanted to give this to you, but I told him not to. I was wrong. You were meant to have it. Severus wanted you to have it."

Zia took the book carefully. She wanted to disappear and read it from cover to cover, but she restrained herself. "Thank you," she said wrapping her arms around the book.

Minerva nodded in response, and Zia continued towards the crowd.

"I want to thank you all for coming today," Zia started, looking out into the crowd. A small dais had been set up with a podium, at the side of Severus' grave. He had been buried the night before, in front of a small group that consisted of herself, Harry, Remus, the Weasley's and the Malfoys.

She saw people she knew to be Death Eaters and those who fought for the Order. They may have known who each other were, and they may not have. It didn't matter. Today they had come to honor Severus – however it was they knew him. She took a deep breath and continued," Severus was known to a lot of people as a lot of things. To me, he was the most strong, courageous, dedicated man that I have ever met. When he formed a commitment he stuck with them, no matter what the consequences were. He never gave up hope for the goals he set his mind to." Her voice started to crack. She could feel his strong arms holding her close and whispering into her ear. She wanted to hold on to the sensation and never let go. But, she knew she had to continue. "But, I know the Severus I knew was not the same one you all knew. His students knew him as the evil Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. His colleagues knew him as withdrawn and cold. Those he worked with to achieve a common goal saw him as cold, hard, and demanding, but thorough. They knew they could depend on him to get the job done." The tears started to well up in her eyes. "This is why," the tears started to fall, "excuse me," she said reaching for her handkerchief. She dabbed at her eyes and looked at the crowd. Lucius Malfoy and his boy were there, as were Harry, Hermione, Ron and the remaining Weasleys. She saw Tonks giving her a supportive look, and Remus looked like he was about to stand to help her at any second. Moody leaned against a far tree, drinking from his flask and Hagrid stood behind him doing the same. She wasn't the only one hurting, and they had a right to know what had happened.

"Because of how you all knew him, loved him, or hated him, worked with him, or against him, I feel you have the right to know what happened." She took a shuddering breath and forced herself to relive the past few days. "As many of you know, Severus was working with the Ministry. As part of his work, he would endure the Crucaitus curse on a fairly regular basis. Thanks to my training, I was able to help him each time. But, as the years progressed, the curse became harder for him to recover from. What once took him a matter of hours started taking days to heal. But, he was dedicated to his work, and every day he was well enough to work, he would...whether it be at Hogwarts, for the Ministry, or otherwise." She tabbed at her eyes and waited a minute to catch her breath.

She remembered him trembling in her arms, just the other night. His body so wracked with pain that even the antidote wasn't helping. She held him as close as she could without causing him further pain, and whispered reassuring words to him until he finally fell asleep from exhaustion.

"But, then it came to be too much. The antidotes stopped working, but Severus never did. He pushed himself too hard, and finally one last Crucaitus caused his heart to stop. Even with my training and the expediency of the medi-wizards, it was too much for his body to bear. And he slipped off peacefully..." Unable to bear the pain anymore, she succumbed to tears.

Suddenly, she felt hands moving her away from the podium.

"Severus Snape was an accomplished wizard, teacher, and friend. Those who he called, 'friend' were guaranteed to come under his protection and tutelage. He put the safety of his students, his co-workers, and his friends above his own. This world will be a darker place without him in it." He closed his statement with a hug to Zia, who was still trying to suppress her sobs.

Slowly, each of the people who came to the funeral, passed by the grave and then Zia. Some offered hugs. Some offered condolences and support. Some said nothing. It didn't matter. Zia understood their pain, and no words had to be said.

Zia turned the book that Minerva had given her over in her hands. She wanted to read it, but she knew that she could only read it for the first time once. She didn't want that time to end.

She flopped down on the bed. It still smelled of Severus. She gathered the covers up and inhaled deeply. She had no tears left to cry and no heart left to yell. She just lay there and soaked up his energy, too tired and sad to sleep.

After spending several sleepless hours she knew she had to read the book. She wasn't sure if she would ever find peace with the situation, but she was willing to try.

My Darling Zia,

If you are reading this, that means that I am gone. I have not gone to a better place, as many will tell you. You are my better place, my better half. You are what makes me whole. And where-ever I am, I am not as happy as I was with you.

But, do not weep for me. I will never truly leave you. I will watch you from where-ever I wind up. And I will be joyous when you are, because you, my dear, have brought joy into my life. I will cry when you cry, because you showed me what it was to care about someone more than you do about yourself. I will love when you love, because you loved me unconditionally, and I want you to love again. Do not let your spark die with me. You enhanced my life. Do not let me deplete yours.

Take this diary, and speak to me often. I not always say what you want to hear, but I will say what you need to hear. And, when you find it's time to put me down, do so without guilt. Because where-ever you go, I will go. We are bonded in heart and soul. And, I shall never forget you. I love you, Jadzia. And, don't you ever forget it.

Your obstinate lover,

Severus

Zia read, re-read, and re-re-read the inscription. It was in Severus' handwriting. She ran her hand over the penmanship. She wondered how he knew exactly how she felt and exactly what she would need to hear.

She opened the book to the first page and asked him just that.

I knew what you would need to hear, because I know you. You need my reassurance. Our goodbye was so quick.

She looked at the response. It was in Severus' penmanship again. And he was right, she would have liked to hear something more romantic. But, she needed to hear the truth. So, he told her the truth.

'I don't know what to say,' she wrote. 'I miss you. I'm so lost without you.'

Has Minerva or Albus spoken to you yet?

'Yes,' she responded. 'Minerva is going to make sure that your securities are transferred to me.'

Good.

'She also told me that I can have your old job. I don't know if I can take it.' Tears dripped onto the pages.

That's good too. Why can't you take it?

'It's yours.'

Not anymore. Love, please don't cry. You will make a fantastic replacement.

'I can't without you,' she wrote, sobbing. She put the quill down. This was too hard. It was like the ultimate tease. She could nearly be with him, but was still completely without him. She went to close the book when she saw it.

Agashhoo!

'Love?' she wrote.

Ah- Agahsshoo!

'Bless you.'

Oh dear... I ah-ah-hah... Agaahsshoo!

'Bless you again. Are you sick?'

A bit. I had a sniffle when I created this, so I couldn't keep it out of the spell.

'A sniffle? What's the matter?'

Ah-Aghahshoo! Well obviously, sneezing. But, I also have a headache... my head feels like it's going to explode.

'Love, why didn't you tell me?'

I just did.

Zia thought about it for a second. Then she knew what she had to do. 'I'll care for you.'

How? It's not possible now.

Zia closed her eyes and began to write. 'I lay myself down next to you, pressing my cool body next to your warm one. The two of us combined makes the other comfortable. Slowly, very slowly we drift off to sleep together.'

Suddenly she felt very tired. She put the quill down and smiled. She'd gotten him past a case of the sniffles before, and she would again. But, she'd start in the morning. For now, she was tired.

When she awoke there was sun coming in her windows. She went to pull the shades closed and go back to sleep, so she did.

When she awoke the next time, she was hungry. Slowly, she made herself some soup. She looked at his empty seat as she ate. "I'd offer you some," she said to no one. "But you never did care for split pea soup with bacon."

She envisioned him making a face back at her and telling her that he'd make something for himself later. Subconsciously, she reached for his hand across the table. She sighed, wishing that he could squeeze back. She went back to the diary.

'Good morning, honey. How did you sleep?'

Terrible. By dose is all stuffed and by head 'urts.

'I'm sorry, love. How about I give you a nice massage?'

Okay.

'Are you on your stomach?'

I am.

'Good. I start at the small of your back, rubbing in small circles on either side of your spine. Slowly, I move my thumbs outwards towards your sides, careful to mind the tickle spots. Rubbing in small circles, I work my way up your back. I spend extra time under your shoulder blades. When all of your knots have relaxed, I move up to your shoulders.'

Aahh. That feels good. I can feel your hands caressing me, healing my pain. Heh-Gasshtchoo! Ohh...

'Bless you. Your head?'

It really 'urts. But, keep going. I know you'll make it feel better.

'I dig into your shoulders.'

Ow! Get your hands off of me you masochist!

Zia stopped writing and looked at that. Uncertain of how to respond she closed the book and went back to bed.

The next time she awoke it was dark. But, she wasn't sleepy anymore. She blushed when she looked at the diary. She was embarrassed about her conduct. She knew his muscles got tender when he got sick. She had written that incorrectly.

'I'm sorry, love,' she wrote, tears sliding down her cheeks.

Zia? You came back?

'Oh, Severus. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to.' Her tears splashed the page.

No, Z. You did right by me. It is I who shouldn't have snapped. I can be angry at the world, but not at you. Never at you.

'May I try again?'

Of course.

'I massage your shoulders, gently at first, then getting deeper as the muscles relax under my touch. Slowly I work my way up your neck, focusing on the spot at the base of your skull. I rub the spot until you groan in relief.'

Ah-Gesshoo!

'How's your head?'

Better. But, I'm tired. You should sleep. I'll see you tomorrow.
She wrote a few more times, but there was no response. She closed the book and laid back down. She didn't think she was tired, but she felt herself drift off to sleep anyway.

The next day, she awoke to a knock at the door.

Slowly, she went to the door and peeked out.

It was Remus.

She sighed. She didn't want to deal with anybody just yet. So, she decided not to.

What did you do today?

'Nothing.' She considered writing about Remus coming by, twice. But, she didn't want to deal with the questions. Really, she didn't want to deal with anything.

Did Remus stop by?

How did he know? 'Yes.'

And?

'I didn't see him. I can't. I just can't.' She took a deep breath and steadied herself.

Hug-gashoo! Kuff!

'A cough? Really?'

Been feeling poorly today. Sorry, love. I know you have enough on your plate.

'Here. I spread eucalypus rub on your chest... playing with your chest hair as I rub it on. Slowly, my hands drift up your neck and around your ears. I feel your jaw move under my – .'

Hah-Gushhoo! Esshhoo! Ketchoo! Gasshoo! Sniff...

'I hand you a handkerchief and let you clean yourself up, while I get you some chamomile and peppermint tea.'

I never said I was sorry.

She stopped and looked at that line, unsure what to make of it. 'For what?'

Sniff... Gusshoo!

'Bless you.'

Sniff... thangs.

'Sorry for what?' she repeated.

All the times I yelled at you when you comforted me. All those times I lashed out at you for trying to help. And for never really being there when you needed me.

Zia smiled sympathetically. His regret always acted up when he was sick. It was his indication of a fever. 'You always show your appreciation for what I do. And you are always there when I need you.'

I'm sorry for any way that I ever made you cry, or failed you.

'Severus, you have never failed me.'

I hear you cry at night.

She paused. There had been times that she had cried throughout the years. But, it was always without his knowledge, or so she thought. 'It's not you, love. It was the stress.'

Stresses that you couldn't share with me? Sniff.

She recalled caring for him after he had been cursed, and his lashing out at her. There had been some nights that she tried to care of him, but his anger flared and he directed it at her. While she knew he didn't mean to cause her pain, it frequently did. So, she'd wait until he was asleep, and then cry herself to sleep beside him. 'Stresses that you didn't have to deal with.'

I always felt bad, feeling you shake with repressed sobs. Feeling your soft body go rigid whenever I moved. I'm so sorry for anything that I did that contributed to that.

'For what little you contributed, you're forgiven.'

Heh-Gusshoo! Kuff! Ku-kuffkuffakuff!

'That eucalyptus is working, huh?'

Sniff. Yea. I'm going to go to sleep now.

Zia drew a few hearts in the diary, then closed the book. She never realized he had heard her, though somehow she wasn't surprised. He had stayed alive by being acutely aware of his surroundings. She sighed to herself. She wished they could have had the conversation while he was alive. But, oddly, the apology that he had given her made her feel better. It made her feel loved.

For the next two days, she pondered Minerva's offer of the teaching position. She knew she wasn't ready to go to work yet. She figured it could take days – even weeks – of being in Hogwarts before she would be ready to teach there.

But, Severus had been right – the position wasn't his anymore. Minerva would only hold the position so long before she would hire another teacher anyway.

On the third day, she wrote Minerva a note accepting the position.

Afterwards, she sighed and started cleaning up the house. She felt empty, alone. But, she tried to tell herself that it was no different than when Severus was working. It wasn't like they had spent every day together. On the contrary, there were whole days –even weeks- that he would be in the field. She decided to try to look at this the same way.

Slowly, she cleaned the kitchen and the living area. She refused to touch the bedroom though. She needed his scent. She wasn't ready to move on without it.

Remus stopped by and this time she answered the door. Although she wasn't in the mood to go out, they made plans for her to owl him when she did.

She looked at the diary. Diary Severus had been very sick for the past few days, and she had spent all of her time and energy taking care of him. She wasn't sure if she could do it again.

'I told Minerva I would take the position.'

Good. When do you start?

'We haven't discussed that yet.' She winced, but forced herself to ask anyway. 'How are you feeling?'

Better. Your care was exquisite.

'Thank you.'

What did you do today?

'I cleaned up a bit. And, Remus stopped by.'

How is he?

'I couldn't speak with him for very long. We're going to go out for lunch later this week.'

Good. A pause, and then: I love you, Zia.

'I love you too, Severus.' She drew a few more hearts and closed the diary.

The next day, Zia awoke feeling refreshed. She pushed away a twinge of guilt for feeling good, knowing that Severus wouldn't have wanted her to feel bad.

While she was making her tea, an owl arrived from Minerva granting her another month of bereavement time before she was to report to Hogwarts. It also included information on receiving Severus' securities.